this post is more of a place marker because i lost the original poem, but was thinking about it this evening as i thought about how much i miss my old self, and i wondered if i will ever be who i was. i recall two things. the first is the notion that when we are ressurrected nothing will be lacking, i recall a scene from a movie, 17 miracles maybe, or ephraim's rescue. either way it was about a crippled disabled person on the verge of death an excitedly explaining that he will finally get to have a fine body, maybe skewed to please our modern appetites for strngth and beauty, but interesting to compare what i accomplished and could do versus who i have become and will likely live longer is such an inferior state. i used to look forward to ressurrection to be able to run and sing and play the piano like i did, but it seems like those things are mattering less and less the longer i live without them. and i feel a bit sad at the loss of who i was. ok, the second thing was a scene from the movie 'tess' based on the book 'tess of the d'ubervilles' sorry my shift key does not work. ok, in this movie tess is crying about how life was so ruined, if she had only fallen in love with claire the love of her life the first time that they happened to meet when she was a carefree teenager, before life had dealt her so many miserable situations, and he stopped her right there and explains that it was that life that molded her into such a beautiful being, and she needed to recognize it. so, maybe it was all for my good, which segues into my song, i had written it for jacob to sing to rachel after he rrealized how he had been fooled into marrying her sister afterworking 7 years for rachel, the her father extended the deal 7 more years for rachel. the song is one where jacob professes his true love for rachel and that no matter the cost he will pay it for 'what's seven years to forever if forever i lived without you.' ya da ya da.... all my favorite love stories were about jacob abd issac, and so i wrote a musical/oratorio about them. and i just wanted to recall having done that, because i seem un able to do such a thing now, although, even at the time, i felt bad because it was so effortless, i sort of felt like david when someone tried to give him an anima to sacrifice, he denied it because he would not offer something to his g-d that he had not worked for. maybe i have beenn blessed with the opportunity to work for such talent, cause it is not something that just comes to me.... great now, i am pontificating about beethoven. he couldn't hear, but it didn't stop him.
i often claim that time doesn't actually exist, if so, then i am who i was because i always simply am, not will be.....soooo, i repeat what is 7 years anyway, or even seven plus seven, when compared to eternity.
